i'm super tired but i need to get this off my chest...

it's a boring topic but just .... pleaseeeeee bear with me ok.

recently...2-3 weeks ago i think, jem said that he's very (very very very) open about buying a private property, as the recent private property price is dropping....i don't want to elaborate more about the pros of buying it, coz obviously there's more pros than cons in times like this.

so...with his excitement, this option has been announced to the family.
option 1: sell our flat and buy one flat in bishan
option 2: sell both flats and buy private and wahlahhhh, all stay under one roof

mind you...it's an option...so we can still stick to option 1 as i mentioned in my previous entry.
but of course, with this announcement, it lights up hope to the entire family...esp my mom in law.... it has been her deep desire and now that this option may be made possible, can tell she started to contribute a lot in the property conversation. i'm just the opposite, i stayed out.

...today...the toto thingy, gives ppl chance to win 10 million bucks!
my mom in law asked me to buy instead of ah kong...some people told her that first time buyer can bring some luck in winning. she asked me last night, and i regretted didn't reject her, coz i don't know how to say no to her....so i kept quiet.
today, she sms me to buy. i was reluctant but ready to go buy for her....

but just half way to the toto place, my heart simply don't feel good at all. i really don't want to involved in this buying toto thing, although i'm not buying for myself but for her. so instead of me buying, i got ah kong to buy instead.

she replied me saying that she thought she could win and buy a better home (can you see how great is her desire???)

till now, i still struggle...with the under one roof issue. feel the heart tighten whenever i think of it, struggling and feeling bad for not able to compromise.
i'm sorry to say that...if asking a first time buyer to buy just to get luck to win, and if it really works, i would rather not to buy....of course, as christian, i don't believe that.
my reason of asking ah kong instead to buy is not completely because of that reason (though small part of it), but as a christian who doesn't want to get involved in 'testing God' or rather 'putting hope in God' in this manner, whether to buy for self or for people.

gotta stop writing now, need to pick ian up from school.