my dear little newborn nephew's name is daylan. heard from nezzy that he looked exactly like christopher (his older bro). my sis, diana said if she sends daylan's picture, i won't be able to tell whether that belongs to christopher or daylan. haha...still i want to see his pics.

we'll have our new macbook delivered tonight...can't wait. it's totally different type of os but i guess jem & i decided to go for sth different. mac has lesser virus attack!

what's your strength? or what's the thing (sorry, i don't know the word) do you think you're good at?
if you're in a very protected environment, maybe it's easy to show all the positive side...there's nobody stabs your back! back in zion praise harvest (which i feel is a 'world peace' days), everybody is great, everybody is a great friends...it was there, i found true and long-lasting friendship, it was there, i found God's love and understand the real meaning of caring for people even without having to use words, actions speak the most when i was there. of course, there're some challenges in cell group, you'll get to know some rather challenging ppl...coming from various or rather interesting background. but overall, how often do i see them? once or twice a week? in cell and in church...or sometimes...some outings and visitation (only a few hours???). then we have this favourite game, paste a paper behind everybody's back...and everybody in cell will take turn to write something good abt the person..

let me see....things like : humble, quiet...gentle spirit, strong-headed, full of compassion, very patient, very friendly, Godly man/woman, someone whom i enjoyed to be with, sincerity....etc

i still keep some of these papers (somewhere), but there's one particularly done by sim boon khiang...back from yih chong's cell. he collected all of our papers and typed it into small cards, laminated them...and distributed back to us...it's still in my bible.

when i looked bk the card...it's a sweet memories, coz all these words came from ppl meant the most to me...and at the same time...feeling ashamed though...coz i don't feel i'm fit to any of the description...(won't tell you what is it, but of course, all are good ones lah, we don't write bad things)

God will never content with who we are, He will always bring us to the next level, to test and test and test...mould and mould till we come out as pure gold. so once i thought i pretty good at certain positive side of me....say for example....ahhh...patient!...my dear God decided to use it to test me...very jialat! i told you challenging ppl i met in church only meet for few hours right? God put me into situation where i have to face certain people whole day and days...and that's where all the 'sai' come out!!! and i wouldn't believe i had such a evil thought and even dare to speak out unpleasant words. bible always says for as he thinks in his heart, so is he - proverbs 23:7

again, i may mention this before...pls don't speculate who that person is, ok! don't be so 'bat gua'...for some of you, you may figure out who that person is...just want to let u know there's nothing wrong with that person...simply each person is different, that's all! that's why we all are unique right! then because some ppl is sooooo different, so rub rub rub everyday until caught fire! (only me lah)

anyway, till now, i'm still dealing with it...gotta retake the tests many times! God is gracious and full of mercy...forgave me and then put me bk to the test again and again after i confessed...don't think my God is stupid ok!!! He's very smart! He doesn't test me when i'm on guard or days when i did sth wrong but when i feel i can deal with it! He does it when i'm caught off guard. always like that!!! arghhh!!! so what's the lesson learnt?!

if you think you have this "holier than thou" mentality! be prepared! you're going bk to the school of humility...not one week, not one semester...you guess...that depends on you...and how much you rely on God to go through it.

i'm stubborn and full of pride...so looks like it's a long long way for me to graduate...hiaz....second baby is coming soon...am just guessing if i still like that...probably...you'll see different side of connie....more evil...things like....if you offend me, sorry, cozai no mercy, i'll shoot you bk!....so my guess is staying in school of humility is a lifetime thing...coz we can never be perfect till we see God...

but of all...God, i still love You.

the sleeping without nursing has been going on pretty smoothly....quite smoothly...ian got the msg that i won't allow him to nurse to sleep...coz i'll keep talking and sometimes...slapping (lightly) his face or make funny expression to keep him awake :P

it's time for for his papa's turn to make him sleep...i'm expecting some crying soon...later...hope jem can persevere till he fall asleep. let's wait for the outcome okie...

just got our home curtain done today...yeah...we got professional to do it. spent $700 in everything (curtain included)...expensive yeah? i think so too...jem & i are suck in bargaining...so kena 'ka'...if you (ps2 gang) still remember, ours were all roman blinds. i remembered when jem & i decided to d.i.y our window curtains, we bought all blinds from ikea...and mobilised the ps2 gang to do up the blinds. bernie did the vacumning (and the dust got into his precious eyes later), and 3 guys (jem, weiye & jae) took turn to drill holes (or sometimes took 3 to drill one hole)....sorry...not meant to laugh at you guys k, those days were fun!...anyway, some holes were indeed hard to drill coz we don't have the right tools to do it. still got it done in the end and lasted us for almost 3 years...but i decided to change in the end coz i can't stand the 'biak biak biak' or 'pum pum pum' sound from the blinds. you know...some blinds have wood below, some have steels in between...and eversince we got our grilles done, it always love to play opera in my home whenever the wind blow (or the fan). no peace no peace...

spent $700 to exchange for peace...i felt bad you know...jem was initially not very agreeable to change coz all blinds were still in good condition, but since wife cozai already decided to change...and already called somebody to do measurement and quotation...hubby jem reluctantly followed so long as wife cozai is happy. thank God he's pretty satisfied with the new curtains today. (better be good, paid so much for it :P)

oh oh oh...latest update...jem's mission to make ian sleep is successful for the 1st time!!! according to jem, ian cried very cham, as though crying out for his mommy. he felt heartache to see him cry like that but ian still fall asleep after too tired of crying (i was updating my blog in the next room and turning the fan to highest speed...so that i can't hear him cry). think this 'not mommy make ian sleep' night is precious for jem.

let me tell you why...

jem only get to experience ian sleep on him 3 times only!!! unlike other babies you see in the street, some babies simply sleep on their parents shoulder easily right? mostly daddies i supposed...jem has been longing for that, coz so far ian refuses to even rest peacefully on jem's chest, let alone sleep...so just now, he actually spent some time hugging ian, stroking his hair, enjoying those 'bao bao' moment while ian is asleep. so....despite all the crying session, thank God it lasted pretty short...less than half an hour and first successful attempt for jem to make his son sleep. will do that more often.

oi???!!....my blog looks a bit different yeah...decided to change...not been able to find a simple nice white background (like JacQ that kind) from blogskin.com...so i just changed the color and picture instead...layout pretty much the same.

till i find a nicer one...you shall see this skin from now onwards...i know it's a bit dull...but am bored with the old one liao. prefer simple white. still in the process of changing...

sorry mate,
due to this pregnancy, i have to remove all the food related links (i don't think you interested to click on that links either)...yes...by looking at the 'words' also affect me. i've stopped watching asian food channel for the longest time...i found it weird sometimes...even my favourite m4m forum also sometimes make me sick...looks like anything that i used to 'love deep deep'...become...sth i 'hate deep deep'. thank God i'm not sick of blogging yet...hope can find sth interesting to share...my life has been down right boring.

going home tonight...i mean..my sk home. thinking of whether to give ian another different hell training. now that he doesn't nurse to sleep...he loves to crawl and can only fall sleep btw my laps...


interesting...


anyway, he's like me...a very physical boy! love touch! (uhm...think most babies are like that :P)

'the baby whisperer' has a forum that's dedicated to talk abt all these pick up/put down method and other issues...mannnn...it says i shouldn't have sat on ian's bed...should put him down and sit somewhere near by...then slowly transition to the door....then outside the room...etc. i still don't know whether i want to do it. but i remembered the discussion i had with jem...

jem said: "our objective is to train ian to sleep by himself"

i really cannot tahan his cries...don't know what to do...feeling as though a lot of horns on my head already...

ladies & gentlemen,

my sis, diana just gave birth to a baby boy today!!!! yayyy!!!! 3.03kg @ 12++pm . am very happy now. thank God mother and son are healthy and fine! looking forward to see his pictures! sorry, i don't know his name....think ronald & diana hasn't decided his name yet...baby came out 2 weeks earlier mah...

thank God for safe delivery...

ian lee is married :D!!! that's what i like abt blogs, you get to know what's going on with other ppl's lives even we're miles apart. i visit sean & lisa's blog once a while, love to see all of jayden's growing up photos...and there, i get to see ps patrick and ps joyce, their 2 little adorable daughters, renee & kaitlyn, roy chan (who has been extremely busy for the past xxx years), ian's wedding.

makes me miss the perth old days again. all of us enjoyed to be with ian lee. very nice and funny guy, a talented bass player, a backup singer in zion praise harvest. his voice is superb! i really enjoyed those days wherever he's ard. you know....everybody jamming together....nigel played guitar, he sang all the nice oldies "dream" in fact, partly because of him, 'ian' is shortlisted when i'm pregnant with my little boy.

zion days is gone...now is the ps2 gang. do us, ladies tend to join our hubby's friends more once attached/married? anyway, the reason maybe because most hubbies not interested to join their wives' friends. that's my own observation :P. anyway, me no complaints lah..i'm not the type who easily make friends or go out socialise. i like to be with my hubby's friends. hehe, although the guys always ended up with their favourite past times (aka. PLAYSTATION 2 - FIFA) games whenever they're over our place...and us...ladies...ended up sitting on the couch, watching them playing or helping me taking care of ian, i simply enjoy. sorry, ladies, am a boring hostess. before pregnant, maybe i can suggest to explore out...drive one of the guys car to hunt for nice dessert or da bao other nice food. but now no no no....NO NO NO!!! arghhh...don't talk abt food...dessert and certain kind of food or sometimes food court, kitchen can make me feel sick sometimes. (my mom in law always says, this one must be a girl!!! this pregnancy is so different).

of course, there's breakthrough is this ps2 gathering. we went to settler cafe at holland v.(attn to ex-zion harvester, that's robin go's cafe!!!), there's food and board games there. we were there to celebrate new year, something which involves the ladies as well. i didn't play though, coz little ian was with me and am feeling very tired that day...not been sleeping well that period. but i still enjoyed those moments though, enjoyed watching them playing, laughing...all very happy!

anyway, home sick now...want to go home...back to my hometown...i think the only food that doesn't make me sick....so far...is my home town food...

i did it...

this week....the whole week...ian has been crying everyday and night. i don't know why i'm doing this initially, but i did it...i decided not to let him nurse to sleep.

has it been easy for me? absolutely not
my heart broke into pieces whenever i do that...seeing him 'pleading' to nurse to sleep really break my heart. but he did fall asleep in the end :P

ever since i found out i'm pregnant, my gynae advised me to wean ian by giving him 'cold turkey'...his concern is nursing may trigger contraction...i've been consulting the forum mothers...some said wean, some said can continue and shared their nursing experiences while pregnant...how i wish the world runs in a standard way, let yes be yes, no be no...make it clear cut lah!!! the decision still bounced back to me again!!! and again, let me say that i still enjoy every nursing moment with him!

then...i turned to God, made a not very 'godly' kind of prayer request to Him but i did!!!...i once asked God, if You want me to wean ian or make him stop nursing to sleep, can You let my in law strike 4D??...just the lowest prize lah! the prize result will be out tmr (every wed)...coz...i desperately need an anwer....

if they "win" = which means "wean"
i know it's silly, but that's how desperate i was...
oh well...they didn't strike.

one forum mother recommended me this book 'The baby whisperer'. i borrowed from library and read some part of it...basically, the book doesn't suggest 'cry it out'...meaning leaving baby alone to cry till sleep, but stay by his/her side to help her sleep by him/herself...by using this 'pick up/put down' method. make baby sleeps on their bed, when they cry, pick them up, when stop crying, put them down to bed...repeat this process many times...then as for ian's age...using only put down method...so when he cries and stand up and walk towards me, i put him down on the bed again and again.

can you imagine how broken i am when ian cries and walk to his mommy, kept on sitting on the nursing position to tell me he wants milk milk but his mommy put him down the bed all the time? i felt very bad and very guilty you know. after trying many times, i couldn't take it...so i modified the method, i cuddled him and kept on talking, comforting him "it's ok ian, i know you're not used to it, mommy is with you, daddy mommy love you"...talk and talk, till he's tired of crying and fallen asleep in the end. if i continue to put him down to sleep while he's crying so badly, i will break down...the author warned that if i don't put him down but cuddle him instead, I will be his new prop instead of the breast...i guess i have to take one step at a time...don't mind using that way for a while. monday & friday were the worst day for me...he cried for one hour...and i cried after he slept.

hehe...let me share some brighter side...i feel there's good result on this too...big change i feel..
firstly...ian used to wake up 2-3 times at midnight and must nurse him back to sleep...but the first night already shows result...he's still wake up...but the moment he saw me, he fall bk to sleep...i was stunned for a while actually...what have i just seen???!!! he slept without nursing and this whole week has been like that. wake up...saw me, i simply touch him or make him sleep on the bed, he just sleeps...

secondly, think he fall asleep faster? there're nights when he cried for abt 15-20 mins...then fall asleep suddenly... 2 nights this week...he simply rest his head on my chest and he just slept the next moment! less than 5 mins!

there's one thing which i used to worry...if i were to stop ian nursing to sleep, he got to know how to drink liquid from other source. ian doesn't drink from bottle, we spoon feed him water all these while...and for ian's age, i've been trying to teach him to drink from straw cup, but bad mommy like me not been consistent...my in laws been wanting to teach him using bottle and sippy cup, whereas mine is straw cup...everyday different. but this week, in fact think on monday itself, ian learnt how to drink from straw all of sudden. i was so happy okie! all the concerns abt whether should wait till ian knows how to drink from cup then implement the method or vice versa no longer bothers me...and seriously...i feel God plays a part in it.

why i'm doing this? actually i don't know initially...in fact, i started this half heartedly...i have no idea what triggers me to do that...but i thanked God for Jem. because of my half-heartedness, jem decided to pin me down to think abt why i do it...coz half-hearted will affect ian and myself. we talked and discussed and in the end i realised...it's because of my pregnancy...i can't nurse ian to sleep and walking ard at the same time when my tummy gets bigger...so we want to teach him to sleep independantly. no idea how to achieve that man...at least...taking one step at a time.

of course, some other things have changed as well...ever since i started this 'independant' sleeping, ian takes only 1 nap instead of 2. and no longer i can control when he should get down and nurse...i have to let him wind down himself in the room...playing, walking, touching things...till he's really tired. during those nursing to sleep days, he can't go anywhere, stuck with me mahh :P

thank God didn't start this method at my in law's place. you know...i have enough of heart breaking session each time and i don't need anymore people to tell me 'oh ian very poor thing, my heart aches when i hear him cry, so cham, you so cruel' this kind of comment...don't want to see them heart break...and i don't want any of them to show pity on ian and 'remind' him of the process he went through when he wakes up, i want 'life still goes on' kind and i can easily do alone at home. yes...they have the right to show concern that and it's natural for them to feel and even respond that way. as i hv mentioned, i was already half-heartedness that time, so when we told them abt ian didn't nurse to sleep for whole week and the hell training he went through...i was actually got agitated by their response...and have very bad attitude towards them...let's not mention the juicy details of what i have done okie...just again thank God for jem for 'clearing my thoughts' last night and repent before God again and again and....again..

our next challenge is....to get other ppl to involve...ian still wants me to make him sleep...other ppl still can't....he will cry out for me. you see...you can use the same way, same method, but to baby, everything is different experience. jem was trying for the 1st time yesterday afternoon...mission unsuccessful...and the moment i take over...he cried & slept in less than 5 mins. but jem must get involved sooner.

i'm a very selfish mom...honestly speaking, i'm happy that ian needs his mommy only. i don't mind all the hard work, tiredness, pain, the night wakings...i enjoyed every moment with my dear son. i still give him breastmilk, but cannot make him to associate nursing for sleeping. in fact, i don't mind jem involved...but not other ppl yet...feeling as though if i let other ppl involved, this precious time with my dear son will be taken away from me. yes yes yes, very selfish...but i know...sooner and later...they will involve...

so...instead of giving him cold turkey....think i gave him a 'warm' turkey instead...at least i'm there for him when he cries...feel bad but better than leaving him alone....i feel...just hope this will end soon.

*latest development - ian is walking more now...more stable...still fall down once a while but our little boy very cute when see him walking...

i had very good time catching up with a good friend of mine last week...vel came to singapore from perth! thanks vel, for spending time with me despite her busy schedules. it's been a long long long time since i last chatted with a friend with laughter and also to me very refreshing and edifying. i'm not the initiative type, so sometimes, feeling pretty lonely as stay at home mom (sahm)..coz i commit most of the time with ian and very few social life (not complaining...) so when meeting with vel, i really enjoyed those moments...i had very good time laughing and very encouraged by the things she said. wish i have more of this but i want to thank God for her...still the same...ever so bubbly and encouraging.

dear Jesus,

i repent! i will not eat too much in future! (ehh...i mean this pregnancy). i know i shouldn't have eaten the last chicken wing, even if no one eats it, i should resist!!!! next time no more ok...no more...i will eat more meals but much lesser portion, so that i'll not upset my tummy again (and again and again). pls heal me in Jesus name. thank You thank You. Amen.

i just came bk from ikea...the purpose is to buy high chair for ian...he's getting out of control nowadays, so need the chair to tie him down. we have our so called tea break at the ikea cafeteria...i ordered 6 wings and 15 meatballs...for 4 adults...that should be just nice right? my initial plan is only eat ONE wing...coz i know my tummy is different nowadays...intended to let my aunt and father in law eat the rest...but one of them doesn't want to eat it...sigh! giving myself excuse that i hardly go ikea...and the wing is so irresistable...ate the last piece...happily.
anyway, am not happy now...

my dear gynae doesn't seem to concern abt the stomach upset part...coz it's common among pregnant women. he just gave me this friendly and ever smiley look and said "that's normal"...yeah...that's what i like abt my gynae! always give me the peace of mind...that everything is alright.

the medical fee has increased this year...it was $1800 for an antennatal package last year and increased to $2225. of course, other things increased as well...single bedroom increased from $340 to $350 per day. you know...when i first have ian, my pregnancy was easy...my consultation time always super short! i took half day leave, the waiting time always at least 1.5 hours...and i always come out in less than 10 mins, unlike other expectant mothers, each went in pretty long. hiaz! pay so much, want to make money worth you know! esp during the 2nd trimester, gynae hardly use the ultrasound...(uhm...actually he did...just let me listen to baby's heartbeat only). measure my tummy and ask me a few question...then ok byeeeee!!!
but short means good right? means no complication! nothing to worry abt, mommy and baby are fine and healthy! but i must say that the medical fee really steep. no wonder ppl love to use this statement "you can die, but you must not fall sick!"

i'm hoping to go home...i mean...back to my home town. want to go bk before my 2nd one pop out...coz i feel it will be harder to go home in future...planning planning! i'm allowed to fly during my 2nd trimester...so must chop chop do all the flying before i can't. hopefully my nausea will be gone by 2nd trimester, so i can indulge in my forever favourite home town food! i still feel home town food still the best! and better still, ian can get to see his cousins for the first time! i can spend time with parents and sister! ooooooh!!! sooooooo nice!!!

nausea spell, nausea spell...pls pls pls go away!!! i just had ah gong's apple pie! very nice! but my tummy is making fun of me again...every meal...actually.



feeling very happy today...after waiting for 3 weeks...which seems eternal to me...i saw baby for the first time over the ultrasound just now! baby is 8 weeks and 1 day old. i can see baby's limbs. gynae said baby was sleeping as not moving and looked like a 'little tortoise'...i felt at ease finally, after having diarrhea spell and stomach discomfort since day 1 till now...i've been wondering whether baby is alright. i saw my little baby finally!!!! haha!!! jem said my mood changed right away after seeing the baby...better!

uhm...maybe i should thank God for having diarrhea yeah...coz pregnancy normally cause indigestion and heartburn. in fact, i go toilet more often now than when i'm not pregnant! i know i sound a bit 'siao' here...i really don't mind diarrhea so long as whatever i ate can purge out the very next moment, chop chop that kind...unlike now...having miserable tummy discomfort, feeling like the food right up to my neck and don't know how long it last each time, and always feeling hungry but feeling sick when think of food...and the only food that makes me wanted to eat always causing diarrhea....uhm...life is good...anyway, still want to thank God that baby is fine!

went home for 2 nights...i experienced the most challenging time ever with ian while shopping in compasspoint. our little boy grows up already...went to kiddy palace is a longsuffering training ground to me, coz ian started to demand to touch everything...EVERYTHING! and cry when demand is not met. no longer the little boy who sat down contented. then just when things went out of control, i decided to sling him...and my dear little ian decided to 'help' me to push his pram and push my hands away...yeah...can you imagine that...a slinged baby bending forward pushing the pram...i don't know how we looked like that day. the only solution is to get out of the place, only then he has nothing to do...phewwwww....can't imagine when i have the 2nd one in future...

and here's the latest update: ian started to walk a bit now...at most 7 steps without falling.