i know i've not been updating my blog...below are all very outdated events...but just write anyway.
had very bad migraine last tuesday...feeling nausea and my hands were trembling when feeding the boys at home. the boys did not help to lessen my burden...ian took his own sweet time to chew the food and kept lying down to eat and i have to keep making him sit up, then nathan...with his mighty SWEEP!!! the plate (ian's food) dropped on the floor...rice, soup...everything!!! the floor, the sofa...then the young one almost dive towards the mess, another about to lay his hands to start mahjong session...i almost pengsan, feel so sick and still need to act fast before the food spread to other territory....and as i clean and trying to stop nathan, suddenly a king kong jumped on my back...said "i want mommy, i want mommy". at that moment, i wish for a cage...lock them up.
finally when all the cleaning is done, i can't wait to go to my in law's place...home still very messy, but i can't take it anymore, i need help desperately. this is not the first time i have migraine...but i know for sure that i only started to have it when i'm pregnant with nathan, gp loves to say 'hormonal change'. ooooookieeeee sooooooo???? is there any way to counter the hormonal change??? this time is the worst hit, vomitted twice and feeling weak whole day. when see gp, he asked "do you know what has triggered your migraine?"
huh? trigger? what trigger?
can't be tired? i'm not very tired that day.
stress? urh....the boys? stress over cleaning lah, but not that bad
i told him i have no idea what trigger that migraine.
told bebe (my in law's ex-maid) about the doc's question. she said i have a troubled look. a look that tells her i've been thinking of something. that makes me think...what is the thing that make me think a lot lately.
arrrhhhh...flat...searching for flat. maybe that's the one. i've been thinking about it a lot a lot...thinking, wishing...can't do anything about it but still think.
thinking about next year...
thinking about having to be there most of the time...
thinking about how to find 'ai p ai chi' (cheap and good) flat in bishan
thinking about must get a flat asap!
thinking about is it a smart move to buy at least half a million worth for a hdb flat (obviously not)
thinking about potential conflict, volcano eruption again...
thinking about privacy...
God, i want it NOW!!! when will property value drop? if bishan property can drop from average 540k to 400k, we grab. will that happen? when will that happen? what happen if it's not happen? what will happen to me???
gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i told my mom about it the next day. by then, no more migraine liao. she reminded me to take it easy. she said i'm very blessed to have such a wonderful in laws, should cherish them. we'll move eventually, just be patient, told me not to pressure jem...etc. simply tell her about the flat hunting...i'm feeling headache again. so i know this is 'it' that trigger the headache!
thank God is a minor one, was fine after resting a while.
glad to have my mom's advice. i'm learning to take it easy now....learning.
still praying for something good happen. commit to the Lord, though....occasionally i still ask Him "when ah???".
no flat hunting ever since then. just wait.
Friday, July 25, 2008
my boys are sleeping...haha....one at 6:20pm, another 8:30pm...on friday night...shiok ge du du!
so early yeah...ian didn't take his nap for the past 3 days...so sleep very early. then nathan...took only one nap today, so knocked out at 8plus instead of 9plus.
the weather was cooling whole day...am feeling great too...how nice if singapore always have this kind of cooling day.
and...am digging out all the nice cantonese oldies songs from the internet...my all time favourite singer 张学友, love most of his songs during the early 四大天王 era....absolutely enjoying this moment :D have not been listening to worldly songs ever since i accepted the Lord back in 1996? i mean i do listen once a while, but not like before, listen everyday....
decided not to listen because of the lyrics...coz they're mostly heart-broken songs...i'm the sort who easily affected by lyrics and music back in those days...not heart broken also become as though i'm heart-broken. so cut cut cut!
anyways...
Christian songs are very different....the words speak of hope, expression of God's love, our loves to Him..etc. so nice :D
as i'm updating this blog, my in law's maid came to the room...we had a chat. she's leaving...am feeling sad now... (so fast yeah, one moment am happy, another moment am not). she was employed to take care of ah bo...and now that ah bo is very healthy in heaven, the maid became sort of...jobless at home. though ah gong ah po are old, they still strong and healthy enough to do house chores...and they love to do it themselves...so it's better to let her go. i'll miss her though...my boys like her A LOT!!! so much that ian can just say bye bye happily to me whenever i'm going out ;P i got closer to her recently too...we chat and i like to hear her stories, always smiley, never see her showing black face, she's only with us for about 6-7 months, i felt as though i'm emotionally attached to her liao. she's not my maid, so whenever she helps to take care of my boys and do the washing for me, i appreciate it.
back in my hometown, i grow up with maids but i've never really get close to them...maybe i'm too young then or i've never come across someone treat a maid as friend. we called maid as "kakak" (ie. sister). to me, the line is very clear, i'm the boss, you're the maid....you do whatever i ask you to do. i actually can't recall whether i say 'thank you'.
"kakak, taukeh sudah pulang, buka pintu" (boss is back, open the door)
"kakak, saya mahu maggi mee" (i want instant noodle)
"kakak, cuci ini, kasih buang" (wash this, throw that)
"kakak, mana saya punya baju!" (where's my clothes??)
.....etc..
so here in singapore...i heard many stories of families treat their maid as friend. seriously, it's an eye-opening to me. but of course, other eye opening is abusing maid...this is new to me too. i may have been a demanding little boss, but i've never heard of maid kena injured by employers...ok ok...i think it's because i don't read newspaper :P...
i treat her as a friend...and sadly this friend is leaving...found a better boss with better benefits :D. happy for her, just sad to see her go....soon...maybe this coming friday. nathan still young, but don't know how ian can take it.
so early yeah...ian didn't take his nap for the past 3 days...so sleep very early. then nathan...took only one nap today, so knocked out at 8plus instead of 9plus.
the weather was cooling whole day...am feeling great too...how nice if singapore always have this kind of cooling day.
and...am digging out all the nice cantonese oldies songs from the internet...my all time favourite singer 张学友, love most of his songs during the early 四大天王 era....absolutely enjoying this moment :D have not been listening to worldly songs ever since i accepted the Lord back in 1996? i mean i do listen once a while, but not like before, listen everyday....
decided not to listen because of the lyrics...coz they're mostly heart-broken songs...i'm the sort who easily affected by lyrics and music back in those days...not heart broken also become as though i'm heart-broken. so cut cut cut!
anyways...
Christian songs are very different....the words speak of hope, expression of God's love, our loves to Him..etc. so nice :D
as i'm updating this blog, my in law's maid came to the room...we had a chat. she's leaving...am feeling sad now... (so fast yeah, one moment am happy, another moment am not). she was employed to take care of ah bo...and now that ah bo is very healthy in heaven, the maid became sort of...jobless at home. though ah gong ah po are old, they still strong and healthy enough to do house chores...and they love to do it themselves...so it's better to let her go. i'll miss her though...my boys like her A LOT!!! so much that ian can just say bye bye happily to me whenever i'm going out ;P i got closer to her recently too...we chat and i like to hear her stories, always smiley, never see her showing black face, she's only with us for about 6-7 months, i felt as though i'm emotionally attached to her liao. she's not my maid, so whenever she helps to take care of my boys and do the washing for me, i appreciate it.
back in my hometown, i grow up with maids but i've never really get close to them...maybe i'm too young then or i've never come across someone treat a maid as friend. we called maid as "kakak" (ie. sister). to me, the line is very clear, i'm the boss, you're the maid....you do whatever i ask you to do. i actually can't recall whether i say 'thank you'.
"kakak, taukeh sudah pulang, buka pintu" (boss is back, open the door)
"kakak, saya mahu maggi mee" (i want instant noodle)
"kakak, cuci ini, kasih buang" (wash this, throw that)
"kakak, mana saya punya baju!" (where's my clothes??)
.....etc..
so here in singapore...i heard many stories of families treat their maid as friend. seriously, it's an eye-opening to me. but of course, other eye opening is abusing maid...this is new to me too. i may have been a demanding little boss, but i've never heard of maid kena injured by employers...ok ok...i think it's because i don't read newspaper :P...
i treat her as a friend...and sadly this friend is leaving...found a better boss with better benefits :D. happy for her, just sad to see her go....soon...maybe this coming friday. nathan still young, but don't know how ian can take it.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
ian's potty training progress has been ehh....so far so good.
he's wearing underwear or shorts most of the day now...except when he naps, i would change to training pants and disposable diaper for whole night. the first 1-2 week, i guess it's a keep-on-remind-him-to-pee potty training, geeee....i borrowed 3 books about potty training from the library...can't even finish reading one. so after the constant question 'are you dry' phase...i actually don't know what happen next.
but am glad, he seems to progress now....again, when home alone with the boys, i'm more worried about the cleaning the mess part than waiting for him to signal he's 'urgent'...the boys love to play mahjong on the pee. to keep my sanity and minimize cleaning, i'll keep on asking him throughout the day. but when we're in bishan, where there's a maid to play with him and i seem to forget my sons all of sudden, he would tell the maid he wants to go to pee. i presume he doesn't need 'reminder' and can control his pee till the potty presents to him.
so....
i decided to remove his diaper when he goes playgroup. the playgroup has toilet break and i told the teacher i'm potty training him and he's diaperless. they know what to do :D
day 1 - didn't want to go for toilet break...when i picked him up from playgroup, i asked if he wanted to go, he said no. i decided to trust him. we walked to the grocery shop, suddenly i feel someone froze...he looked down...i saw a pool of water flooding outside the shop. great.....i apologised to the shopkeeper....and thank God they are alright about it.
it's ok...that's only his first day.
day 2 - according to his teacher, he wet his pants during the playgroup time...he still continue to play till teacher noticed it. think he felt it after that...i mean...'embarrassed'....suddenly become quite anti-social, not wanting to join the rest of the playgroup activities. he cried when i picked him up.
day 3 - stayed dry throughout, still don't want to go toilet...guess he's probably shy, coz different person bring him to toilet. no more trust now...i brought him to settle his business on the grass. mission completed.
day 4 - stayed dry...don't want to go toilet. his teacher suggested me to bring him to the toilet again, but let the teacher help him...i stand aside. good, successful mission.
no more updates....i think he's doing great :D. will be borrowing potty training books again about staying dry at night...my plan is to use training pants at night and remove disposable completely...uhmm...step by step, better clear stock...else many unused diapers in store room.
he's wearing underwear or shorts most of the day now...except when he naps, i would change to training pants and disposable diaper for whole night. the first 1-2 week, i guess it's a keep-on-remind-him-to-pee potty training, geeee....i borrowed 3 books about potty training from the library...can't even finish reading one. so after the constant question 'are you dry' phase...i actually don't know what happen next.
but am glad, he seems to progress now....again, when home alone with the boys, i'm more worried about the cleaning the mess part than waiting for him to signal he's 'urgent'...the boys love to play mahjong on the pee. to keep my sanity and minimize cleaning, i'll keep on asking him throughout the day. but when we're in bishan, where there's a maid to play with him and i seem to forget my sons all of sudden, he would tell the maid he wants to go to pee. i presume he doesn't need 'reminder' and can control his pee till the potty presents to him.
so....
i decided to remove his diaper when he goes playgroup. the playgroup has toilet break and i told the teacher i'm potty training him and he's diaperless. they know what to do :D
day 1 - didn't want to go for toilet break...when i picked him up from playgroup, i asked if he wanted to go, he said no. i decided to trust him. we walked to the grocery shop, suddenly i feel someone froze...he looked down...i saw a pool of water flooding outside the shop. great.....i apologised to the shopkeeper....and thank God they are alright about it.
it's ok...that's only his first day.
day 2 - according to his teacher, he wet his pants during the playgroup time...he still continue to play till teacher noticed it. think he felt it after that...i mean...'embarrassed'....suddenly become quite anti-social, not wanting to join the rest of the playgroup activities. he cried when i picked him up.
day 3 - stayed dry throughout, still don't want to go toilet...guess he's probably shy, coz different person bring him to toilet. no more trust now...i brought him to settle his business on the grass. mission completed.
day 4 - stayed dry...don't want to go toilet. his teacher suggested me to bring him to the toilet again, but let the teacher help him...i stand aside. good, successful mission.
no more updates....i think he's doing great :D. will be borrowing potty training books again about staying dry at night...my plan is to use training pants at night and remove disposable completely...uhmm...step by step, better clear stock...else many unused diapers in store room.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
i prayed a prayer....
then the next day...eh???? is it an answered prayer? so fast? wow...maybe this is Your will.
after 1 week...maybe not...maybe You're trying to tell me something else.
here's what has been happening for the past one week.
just to recap one of my previous post about ian's kindy...ie. he'll be attending nursery in a kindergarten near my in laws' place next year onwards.
as the date gets closer, reality hits me...
i i i....i'll be in bishan from monday to friday, 7am till 8.45pm...????
then as we want mother in law to go to church with us, we'll likely stay over on sat and then back to bishan till dinner...
so in average, we'll be in bishan almost 90% of our time.
nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! no no no!!!! i want my privacy!!!! i'll be mad if i'm there most of the time! i want MY time, MY space, MY privacy, MY do-whatever-i-want
i'm struggling you know...coz my in laws are super nice people, loving family members. they should be the easiest person to get along, to stay with and i must say i'm absolutely blessed to be part of this loving family....but i'm struggling...i want some privacy. (so please understand, it's not jem's family problem, it's my problem)
so i asked God, can we find a place near in laws' place? maybe it's time to move house...i really can't imagine that day will come...desperate for His intervention.
the next day, father in law saw an ad, somebody is selling their flat in the same block!!! few level above my in laws' home! everybody in the family got excited okie, mom in law called up to find out more, requesting to view the place...etc etc. can tell that the liang household was hoping we can stay near them, wouldn't it be good if we stay so close, so convenient!!! i was thinking in my heart, "God, is that You?"
that day was 'fun'...they got so excited that each generation send one representative to view the place. ah gong, daddy, mommy, myself and ian went to view. jem went to play basketball so he didn't know what's happening then. i got excited too, suddenly feel house hunting is fun!
first time viewing, i have pretty good impression of the home. very well-maintained, they don't cook so kitchen looks clean, spacious..etc. but of course, there are some area i don't quite like so i thought do a bit of reno can solve all problem. then when ask about the price..
$545k valuation plus $50k renovation done in the past....*cough....got choked*
can't afford...
owner bought it for about $590k 10 years ago..and now sell about the same price, what does it tell you?
to cut long story short,
we viewed another flat and 2 more this coming week...so for bishan 5-room flat, high floor, easily at least $530k.
got to know one friend staying in the same block and higher floor than my in laws...her family bought it for about $370k 2-3 years ago, that was the buyer market those days...very good buy yeah.
my parents are very supportive in helping us to get the flat nearest to my in laws. in fact, i called them shortly after i viewed the flat, they too, excited. i was thinking, we have liang household so hoping us to stay near, i have my parents to help us out financially, the boys can go to their favourite 'ah gong house' and with all the good schools around, i can have my privacy...the best of both world!!! so why wait???
i have no peace...maybe is the money part, you're talking about at least half a million cum renovation, maybe jem and i too used to stay in newer flat as compared to a 20 year old flat. even if we have financial help, jem feels we should be prudent in using the money...wisely...but above all...i know jem absolutely won't even consider, and myself...i have no peace....i don't know...if that is God's will, we both should have the same peace together right?
knowing we can't or won't buy, i'll still continue viewing flats...why? i made appointments earlier liao...i know can cancelllllll, just view for fun loh...
it's out of my selfish reason "lack of privacy" then started all these viewing i-know-we-can't-afford flat and got my in laws excited for nothing....but when i reason out to jem, i put it nicely, "it's for the boys future, good school around"...(i confessed to him liao)
oh well...don't know...this week...view flats.....buy brownie, praying for miracle, don't know...
then the next day...eh???? is it an answered prayer? so fast? wow...maybe this is Your will.
after 1 week...maybe not...maybe You're trying to tell me something else.
here's what has been happening for the past one week.
just to recap one of my previous post about ian's kindy...ie. he'll be attending nursery in a kindergarten near my in laws' place next year onwards.
as the date gets closer, reality hits me...
i i i....i'll be in bishan from monday to friday, 7am till 8.45pm...????
then as we want mother in law to go to church with us, we'll likely stay over on sat and then back to bishan till dinner...
so in average, we'll be in bishan almost 90% of our time.
nooooooooooooooooooo!!!! no no no!!!! i want my privacy!!!! i'll be mad if i'm there most of the time! i want MY time, MY space, MY privacy, MY do-whatever-i-want
i'm struggling you know...coz my in laws are super nice people, loving family members. they should be the easiest person to get along, to stay with and i must say i'm absolutely blessed to be part of this loving family....but i'm struggling...i want some privacy. (so please understand, it's not jem's family problem, it's my problem)
so i asked God, can we find a place near in laws' place? maybe it's time to move house...i really can't imagine that day will come...desperate for His intervention.
the next day, father in law saw an ad, somebody is selling their flat in the same block!!! few level above my in laws' home! everybody in the family got excited okie, mom in law called up to find out more, requesting to view the place...etc etc. can tell that the liang household was hoping we can stay near them, wouldn't it be good if we stay so close, so convenient!!! i was thinking in my heart, "God, is that You?"
that day was 'fun'...they got so excited that each generation send one representative to view the place. ah gong, daddy, mommy, myself and ian went to view. jem went to play basketball so he didn't know what's happening then. i got excited too, suddenly feel house hunting is fun!
first time viewing, i have pretty good impression of the home. very well-maintained, they don't cook so kitchen looks clean, spacious..etc. but of course, there are some area i don't quite like so i thought do a bit of reno can solve all problem. then when ask about the price..
$545k valuation plus $50k renovation done in the past....*cough....got choked*
can't afford...
owner bought it for about $590k 10 years ago..and now sell about the same price, what does it tell you?
to cut long story short,
we viewed another flat and 2 more this coming week...so for bishan 5-room flat, high floor, easily at least $530k.
got to know one friend staying in the same block and higher floor than my in laws...her family bought it for about $370k 2-3 years ago, that was the buyer market those days...very good buy yeah.
my parents are very supportive in helping us to get the flat nearest to my in laws. in fact, i called them shortly after i viewed the flat, they too, excited. i was thinking, we have liang household so hoping us to stay near, i have my parents to help us out financially, the boys can go to their favourite 'ah gong house' and with all the good schools around, i can have my privacy...the best of both world!!! so why wait???
i have no peace...maybe is the money part, you're talking about at least half a million cum renovation, maybe jem and i too used to stay in newer flat as compared to a 20 year old flat. even if we have financial help, jem feels we should be prudent in using the money...wisely...but above all...i know jem absolutely won't even consider, and myself...i have no peace....i don't know...if that is God's will, we both should have the same peace together right?
knowing we can't or won't buy, i'll still continue viewing flats...why? i made appointments earlier liao...i know can cancelllllll, just view for fun loh...
it's out of my selfish reason "lack of privacy" then started all these viewing i-know-we-can't-afford flat and got my in laws excited for nothing....but when i reason out to jem, i put it nicely, "it's for the boys future, good school around"...(i confessed to him liao)
oh well...don't know...this week...view flats.....buy brownie, praying for miracle, don't know...
Friday, July 04, 2008
i'm back...not been updating my blog...lazy lah, every end of the day, i just want to surf the net (but don't know what to surf) or watching tv. the boys are sleeping later and later, so 'my' time is getting shorter.
what have i been doing?
i brought the boys out to changi airport T3, to see aeroplanes and sit on the skytrain. ian loves the skytrain particularly, so we just sat in the train 4 rounds from T3 to T1 as ian refused to get out of the train. then we go T3 again 2 days after...with jem. went swensen for lunch, and ladies and gentlemen, pleaseeeeeeeeee don't eat their steaks, not nice!!!
went ikea too. used to bring toddler leash whenever i go out with the boys alone. decided not to tie ian this time, to see how it goes...thank God, ian is pretty well-behaved, nathan is enjoying himself, smiling and sitting contentedly on the pram most of the time. ian doesn't really like to go ikea, so i use hotdog to lure him there...i simply want to get out of the house sometimes...the hotdog is quite expensive meal...$4.70 for 3 hotdogs, 1x ice cream cone and free flow drink...plus about ~$20 taxi fare (back and fro)....
~$25 - hotdogs & drinks from ikea
~$30 - for 4 rounds of skytrain and not a lot of planes moving around in airport
oh well, at least the boys are enjoying themselves.
i don't know where else to go now. still thinking...everyday am thinking what to do with them the next day till i fall asleep.
zoo? we planned to go as family outing about half a year ago, still haven't go. just found out the entry fee is not cheap, at least $20+++ per adult!!! if the price is reasonable, i would definitely bring the boys there many times, am sure the boys would love it.
just one more month, nathan will be turning 1-year old. time flies yeah, and now he can walk....i remembered ian started walking about 14-month.
so how about myself? i baked cheesy muffins this week, jem doesn't like, it's awful because of the parmesan cheese smell (yeah...why parmesan cheese? because the recipe said so, i followed). i had 3, ian 2, jem 2, i made 12, left 5....don't know when to eat.
i tried to do quiet time lately. tried to do in early morning coz that's the only 'no disturb' time i have with the Lord...no...i didn't set alarm...nathan woke me up, i'm just choosing one of his wake-up-many-times slot to spend time with Jesus.
so there you go, the first time i did is at 4am...yes...4am. my christian mother friend told me she's been trying to do her quiet time very early morning before she starts her day, and i'm very inspired by her. first quiet time, great! the air is cool and fresh, quiet, only me and my dear Jesus, and He spoke to me in His word, i'm encouraged and touched...went back to sleep.
early morning, i'm gone...that day simply all went wrong. ian is very naughty that day, both boys fight and cry, and the house suddenly very very dirty, more spilled food and drinks, more cries, i do a lot of work, it was a very testing day...really, it's not one of the normal day. and i can feel i'm physically super extra tired that day too...
you know, the first thing i thought is...is that someone not happy about me spending time with the Lord, giving me a bad day. i must confess that i did harbour the thoughts of 'if i don't spend time with Him, my day would be better or at least normal'...but of course i know no matter what may happen, God is in control and in charge.
i must admit the remaining weeks, i didn't do my quiet time...not so much about the bad day (though in all honesty it does affect a bit), but more on physically. i was very tired the remaining week...i mean very very tired...just want to fall back to sleep after nursing nathan many times at night.
the following week, i'm back to quiet time again...same thing, bad days and super tired....you may think maybe i'm just too sensitive, or self-fulfilling prophesy (spend time with Lord = bad day) or probably scared off any young christian who's reading my blog eh :P...think God might be feeling sad...i just imagine this scenario...
jem makes an effort to spend quality time with me, sacrifice his precious sleep and talk to me for half an hour...then the next day, he comes and tells me, "deary, after spending time with you, i'm feeling super tired, don't think i can talk to you for the remaining week/s, you gave me a bad day at work too, better 'siam' from you just in case...i just want a normal day."
i'll be very sad if jem feels that, whats more our God.
i know...deep in my heart, God is Almighty. i know He's longing for me (His precious daughter :P) to spend time with Him. whether is a good, bad or super bad day, it's still manageable. and trust me, no matter how bad the day, our spirit still longing for Him...i must say when i'm having quiet time with the Lord, it's very sweet quiet moment with Him, i really enjoy it (though occasionally i still looking out for my bed, wanting to sleep). the only challenge is fighting with tiredness, ok ok...if really cannot tahan, drink coffee to solve the problem. if bad days, great! which means i'm doing the right thing :D. dirty home, challenging days, nevermind...can't clean today, continue tomorrow.
it takes effort and perseverance...cozai, you can do it!!!
what have i been doing?
i brought the boys out to changi airport T3, to see aeroplanes and sit on the skytrain. ian loves the skytrain particularly, so we just sat in the train 4 rounds from T3 to T1 as ian refused to get out of the train. then we go T3 again 2 days after...with jem. went swensen for lunch, and ladies and gentlemen, pleaseeeeeeeeee don't eat their steaks, not nice!!!
went ikea too. used to bring toddler leash whenever i go out with the boys alone. decided not to tie ian this time, to see how it goes...thank God, ian is pretty well-behaved, nathan is enjoying himself, smiling and sitting contentedly on the pram most of the time. ian doesn't really like to go ikea, so i use hotdog to lure him there...i simply want to get out of the house sometimes...the hotdog is quite expensive meal...$4.70 for 3 hotdogs, 1x ice cream cone and free flow drink...plus about ~$20 taxi fare (back and fro)....
~$25 - hotdogs & drinks from ikea
~$30 - for 4 rounds of skytrain and not a lot of planes moving around in airport
oh well, at least the boys are enjoying themselves.
i don't know where else to go now. still thinking...everyday am thinking what to do with them the next day till i fall asleep.
zoo? we planned to go as family outing about half a year ago, still haven't go. just found out the entry fee is not cheap, at least $20+++ per adult!!! if the price is reasonable, i would definitely bring the boys there many times, am sure the boys would love it.
just one more month, nathan will be turning 1-year old. time flies yeah, and now he can walk....i remembered ian started walking about 14-month.
so how about myself? i baked cheesy muffins this week, jem doesn't like, it's awful because of the parmesan cheese smell (yeah...why parmesan cheese? because the recipe said so, i followed). i had 3, ian 2, jem 2, i made 12, left 5....don't know when to eat.
i tried to do quiet time lately. tried to do in early morning coz that's the only 'no disturb' time i have with the Lord...no...i didn't set alarm...nathan woke me up, i'm just choosing one of his wake-up-many-times slot to spend time with Jesus.
so there you go, the first time i did is at 4am...yes...4am. my christian mother friend told me she's been trying to do her quiet time very early morning before she starts her day, and i'm very inspired by her. first quiet time, great! the air is cool and fresh, quiet, only me and my dear Jesus, and He spoke to me in His word, i'm encouraged and touched...went back to sleep.
early morning, i'm gone...that day simply all went wrong. ian is very naughty that day, both boys fight and cry, and the house suddenly very very dirty, more spilled food and drinks, more cries, i do a lot of work, it was a very testing day...really, it's not one of the normal day. and i can feel i'm physically super extra tired that day too...
you know, the first thing i thought is...is that someone not happy about me spending time with the Lord, giving me a bad day. i must confess that i did harbour the thoughts of 'if i don't spend time with Him, my day would be better or at least normal'...but of course i know no matter what may happen, God is in control and in charge.
i must admit the remaining weeks, i didn't do my quiet time...not so much about the bad day (though in all honesty it does affect a bit), but more on physically. i was very tired the remaining week...i mean very very tired...just want to fall back to sleep after nursing nathan many times at night.
the following week, i'm back to quiet time again...same thing, bad days and super tired....you may think maybe i'm just too sensitive, or self-fulfilling prophesy (spend time with Lord = bad day) or probably scared off any young christian who's reading my blog eh :P...think God might be feeling sad...i just imagine this scenario...
jem makes an effort to spend quality time with me, sacrifice his precious sleep and talk to me for half an hour...then the next day, he comes and tells me, "deary, after spending time with you, i'm feeling super tired, don't think i can talk to you for the remaining week/s, you gave me a bad day at work too, better 'siam' from you just in case...i just want a normal day."
i'll be very sad if jem feels that, whats more our God.
i know...deep in my heart, God is Almighty. i know He's longing for me (His precious daughter :P) to spend time with Him. whether is a good, bad or super bad day, it's still manageable. and trust me, no matter how bad the day, our spirit still longing for Him...i must say when i'm having quiet time with the Lord, it's very sweet quiet moment with Him, i really enjoy it (though occasionally i still looking out for my bed, wanting to sleep). the only challenge is fighting with tiredness, ok ok...if really cannot tahan, drink coffee to solve the problem. if bad days, great! which means i'm doing the right thing :D. dirty home, challenging days, nevermind...can't clean today, continue tomorrow.
it takes effort and perseverance...cozai, you can do it!!!
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