USA

Last friday, jem said he may need to go USA next monday for a week, then on sat, he said he needed to leave on sunday instead of monday. And so today sunday super early morning at 5am, he left already. That was so sudden till i got this very lost kind of feeling, feel very xian without him around. Although he travels to msia every month, i don't have that kind of feeling like i do now. It happens too fast and too soon. He's still on his way to Dallas, USA now, 18 hours!

It's a rare opportunity for him to go and he's excited abt it and thank God for this opportunity. I pray for journey mercy and pray tt he's protected wherever he goes and whatever he does. All i concerned is his safety.

Hope this week passes quickly.

--- updated from hp ---

Before & after haircut

Since birth, nathan has the least hair among the brothers. And the hardest to get him a RIGHT hairstyle. Ian is easy, any hairstyle fits him, long or short is fine. For the past 2.5 years, we've been trying to figure out which hairstyle suits nathan. But one thing for sure, he can't hv too short fringe. He can't hv too short hair coz his hair will become too light and spread like christmas tree.

2 months ago, it's my fault tt he ended up hv a hairstyle which makes him look like a girl (see 1st photo), and now, my mom in law told the barber to cut his hair short, give him a BOY look. I mean, you can achieve tt without having to cut too short right?????!!! already i warn not too short, but......sigh....oh nevermind. Another too short version again. Picture 2 looks quite nice on him, but if you see him in real person, fringe is way too short. Not nice!

Oh well, another time then.

---updated from hp---

i've been doing quite a fair bit of baking recently. mainly is to destress...but i always wonder why i choose baking as a way of de-stress coz the washing part is no fun and my boys always ended up kena scolded by me again and again by being overly helpful. i guess it's most probably because i feel so sleepy and tired, i always look for food to cheer me up...to give me energy, something to look forward to to stay awake, to feel rewarded :D

so there you are, it's about food blogging now. since i don't have my own photos (i took them but didn't transfer to computer), you look at the food bloggers' photo where i got the recipe from ok, it's...urgh...pretty much the same...not sure abt the taste.

there's this vicious cycle i have to go through whenever i start baking dessert.
start of cycle ---> feel tired/discouraged/unmotivated/angry/low morale --> think of food --> start baking/cooking --> after feel rewarded ---> i started to feel guilty of eating them....especially when i know the amount of FATS in that recipe ---> then tell myself to eat lesser and start exercising next time ---> end of cycle

so here's the list of food i did for the 1st time in the past 2-3 weeks. and i will give you the recipe link...it's important acknowledge the food bloggers and just in case you might want to try out too. without links means from recipe book and friend.

brownie
i like cakey brownie, i like fudgy type too, but i guess it's psychological, cakey somehow less sinful than fudgy. anyway, i still like the one from chocolat & spice stall in shunfu market...actually i've been searching for recipe that can achieve close enough like chocolat & spice brownie but still can't find yet. i try to achieve that same texture first...if it's ok, will buy valrhona chocolate (good quality and expensive) to try out. heard they (chocolate & spice) use it to bake brownie. anyway, back to this brownie...think i'm a bit overbaked...so though it looks cakey but crumbly. taste ok. my boys love to help out, but doesn't like to help me to eat them...ian got turn off by the color...saw black black, haven't even eat it, he made the comment it's not sweet, not nice, color too dark....etc etc. doesn't even want to touch it, ran away when i ask him to try just ONE bite. will try again next time and meanwhile, i found another brownie recipe and will try it out again.


chocolate thumb shortbread - from book
failed...think underbaked...yuck! ah po gave a thumb-down...i should have tried to bake longer...but honestly, i wouldn't want to try this again.

white chocolate chips chocolate cookies
underbaked again, i didn't throw away...when i heat up in the toaster the next day, they became crunchy...i like it :D the recipe used white choc chips, i used normal choc chip, so all dark dark color again. but my boys ate them!!! woo hooo!!! nathan doesn't normally eat cookies...but he ate them that day. ian ate it too. he said nice :D

then after all the dark color dessert...i actually has one more recipe...it's rolled oats and nuts cookies...also dark dark color but i don't have that recipe with me. i decided to do some light color food

baked salmon with mayonnaise
with mayonnaise? i was very suspicious how it will turn out with salmon. but it taste really great :D, soft and tender. should try it, it's easy to prepare.

pancake
if you are my guest, to play ps3, to chill out at my place till late, or come early for breakfast..i will gladly serve you this. i found this is the best pancake recipe. it's very easy to prepare and the texture is soft and fluffy. i'm glad that my boys didn't turn away from this, they ate one each. jem asked whether this is pancake premix after he ate it. but i know he prefers his grandfather's pancake...it's actually crepe type, thin and crunchy at the outer layer. i don't have the recipe, so i don't dare to try out...whenever ah gong make his pancake, it's all based on estimation...but must get his recipe and measurement one day, must pass down to next generation!!!!

butter cupcake
a lot of people gave a thumbs up for this recipe. so i decided to try...in cupcake form instead of cake. jem and family commented a bit wet...so i guess it's another underbaked cake again. intended to give my new neighbor but jem felt it's best to leave for self consumption. i heated up in toaster, till the top of cupcake turn golden brown, it's no longer have the wet look...turned out to be just nice. ah po said she preferred this butter cake texture over her husband's butter cake (erh hem....when i got that kind of comment from the ultimate food critic, better take it as compliment)

cheese and ham puff

another easy to make snacks to serve my guests in future. i made this for my boys lunch. taste a bit like pizza but of course in much simpler form...only cheddar cheese and ham as main ingredients. my boys like it esp. when they dipped with ketchup and mustard sauce. i made it bigger version than the original...my boys ate 3 of them...:D, it's nice when fresh out from oven.

think my in laws are overdozed with all my desserts recently, so i decided to do the savoury type of food...not for them to eat, it's for my own family consumption. i try to find out simple recipe for my boys lunch, i'm blessed with 2 super fussy eaters. so another of my favourite past time and great motivation for me is to surf food blogs. great joy for live-to-eat-person like me! oooh hooo!!!

whether i'm confident enough to serve you all these food is all depend on my man and boys. if they eat and didn't spit out, i take it as good.

jem said i've been praising myself a lot when comes to baking. oh well, when i face the boys and house chores each day, scold and scold, feeling low morale when boys don't listen. i need something to brighten me up, something to make myself feel proud.

ipad is so cool!!! love apple products!!!

ipad, mama cozai is coming to get you!!!! muaks!

Big business

When i see jonathan hold on to this high chair this way, i know.....

It's time to wash his backside.

Today is jem & myself got together for 11 years anniversary. Am absolutely blessed to marry this man.

Let me share with you some of the untold moments.

I remembered when & where we 1st started our courtship journey. This man hold my hands even before i said yes :p (i'm too shy to say yes, kept looking down and pulling out grass, so he said that 'yes' for me...)

I remembered how his intention to propose secret was accidentally revealed by his own family member, my dearly missed ah bo. Jem came to visit me in perth, on the day he touched down and asked me to call his family to report safety, ah bo said over the phone "have you seen the ring?". I was puzzled "what ring?", then she quickly said "没有啦" then swept the topic away, it was then i knew what she meant...i pretend to ask jem whether he got anything for me and walked towards his luggage, he got so ganjiong, wahhhhhahahahahahahah. Up till the day when he proposed, i seriously can't pretend i don't know and told him the leaked secret after he proposed. But i knew if the news wasn't leaked out, i would definitely be thrilled and surprise. Till now, sometimes i wondered what ah bo was thinking, she must have thought jem kneeled and proposed to me right at the moment he saw me in airport? That's not jem kind of style.

ROM - exactly 3 years after we got together, i was the most plain looking bride in registry of marriage. I don't know how to make up and didn't engage professional to do for me, i did it myself that day, only foundation, blusher and lipstick and probably a bit of eye shadow. Then i thought french manicure very easy, just draw one line each finger. ROM at 9ish @am, i woke up at 6am, spent 30mins trying to draw that one line on 1 fingernail with no success. In the end, only transparent color on fingernails with some 'cracked' lines, did in a hurry and can't wait for it to dry up.

Wedding Day (1 yr later) - think jem is the only bridegroom i know who successfully enter into the hotel room 接新娘 without going thru much suffering. They found loopholes and 'bang in'. Then wedding night, i don't normally drink alcohol but i did tt night...then when my ex colleagues wanted me to drink, jem and his 'brothers' all thought i'm a bit high, coz i was all ready to finish that wine, they were so scared i got drunk that they kept helping me drink...was that kelvin or aaron, or tun???

We agreed that we will start to have baby after 2 years. Back then, i started to ask God to change my heart. I made myself clear to jem tt i don't want to have children when we started our relationship. So when we made tt agreement, i actually freak out, what if i still don't want to hv kids after 2 yrs? God changed my heart. Next 5 years is child bearing years. I wanted 2, he wanted 3. After have 2 boys, i wanted 3, he wanted 2.

All these while, i have always thought i'm quite a nice person...i mean relatively easy to get along. till i had my 1st child....started to see a side of me which i never seen before....the dark side. I have never seen the non-respectful, sarcastic, mean, fierce, rude, loud, stubborn connie. staying with jem's family revealed this side of me and i got a shock of myself. But they are still so nice to me. No wonder jem turned out to be such a nice man, his family did a great job in bringing him up. Think jem may have shocked to see me like that. It's very different from the connie he knows before marriage. Jem's still the same all these years, and i discovered more of his good points over the years. Generous like his mum, man of few words like his dad but love the family thru actions. He's a wise man too!

I thank God for giving me such a wonderful man, coz he's patient and will speak to me nicely when i did something wrong.

We've been together for 11 years, married 8 years. By God's grace, we have many years to go, my wish is hope we grow old and see the Lord together.

school - week 2
1st 2 days of school was a battle (uhmm....everyday is a battle), both boys were crying when we reached school gate...nathan refused to let me wear school uniform...so...i changed it when he was sleeping :P....then by the time he's fully awake and found himself with school uniform, he cried and tried to take it out, i gotta distract him by playing lightning mcqueen on youtube from my hp. and he forgot the uniform already :D

2nd day...i tried to use the same tactic again to change him while sleeping...this time he's smart liao...'i ain't no fool, mom!'...distracted him with lightning mcqueen again.

anyway, back to school gate, both cried...when teacher was abt to carry nathan away, ian hold on to nathan's feet, refuse to let teacher take him away, hahehaeheahaeh...in the end, 2 teachers came out to take each in.

on the 3rd day....oooi???!!! nathan let me wear uniform without protesting...then when we reached school gate, he walked in straight away...!!!! i was.....impressed :P...3 teachers at the school gate were all looking at me....surprised to see he adapted to his new school...so soon. ian was initially refused to go in, but when he saw nathan walked in, he ran in...sibling influence i guess... :D

4th day - nathan said bye bye to me and walked in, ian hold his hand and walked in together...uhmm....i should record it down ehh!!

anyway, loaded up a clip, that's one of the activities the boys do before sleeping...titled of the clip is '見死不救'

My 2 older boys' school started for a week already. Surprisingly, ian didn't cry this time (good, keep it that way), i bought a transformer water bottle for him, so he showed off to his friends in his 1st day of school. Nathan, of course, not used to his new environment, kept hiding behind me in his 1st 2 days of school (parent can join nursery class in 1st 3 days of school). In day 2, he told me he doesn't want to go to school, i've been wrestling with him whenever i need to change him to his school every morning. Then i also hv to deal with his daily refuse-to-brush-teeth thingy. I decided to use soft approach, no more leaving him behind till he brushes teeth, i get the 3 boys to brush together, motivate one another, it works sometimes only, i use other ways....which i don't think i want to tell u here, too many ways, today works doesn't mean work tomorrow. Xianzzzzz! Hate brush teeth routine!!! Gotta sling jon and encourage nathan to brush teeth in short time, can't leave jon alone as he will scream his head off, wouldn't want neighbors to hear this early morning.

Anyway, i suppose to write my new year resolution. One of them is to FORCE my sons to speak cantonese and mandarin. This resolution comes only after i attended nathan's class in his 1st day in school. There are 2 teachers in each class, 1 english, another's mandarin. Most kids only understand english, when the chinese teacher speaks, she's totally ignored or kids look at her with this 'what talking you' look. I feel sorry for that teacher and feel bad as a parent for not putting enough effort to teach my sons speak chinese. So yap, ian absolutely doesn't like this idea, always telling me he doesn't want to speak cantonese but i just keep translating whatever he said in english to cantonese/mandarin and make him speak else i ignore him. Am not sure whether this will work, it's working in progress now.

jem's cell came to do house blessing last friday. I love that moment. Jem played guitar, khia tun led worship, when the cell gathered together to praise and worship God, i really miss having cell every week back in those days. Then they prayed and released the word of God to our household...feel so touched, whenever they said 'i sense the Lord...etc', coz that's the word released specifically to us, God speaks to us!!! I'm looking forward to the new cell next month :)

nite

House blessing

I miss this moment and am so glad jem's cell come to our place for house blessing and ther's worship at home. It's been a year and love this moment