oh....how sweet...father and sons! wish i'm in that photo too! unfortunately, i'm the photographer most of the time (99.9999%)

thank God for latest news from jacQ.

i saw someone look like yousi last sunday. told jem "lou gong, i saw someone look like yousi, wonder how is she now..."

got to know yousi in perth, zion praise harvest. we were in the same ushering team, very sweet girl and very good friend to jacQ and agnes :D then i read jacQ's blog today....\(^O^)/

she's getting married next feb 2008!!! very happy for her.

not easy to be a SAHM....not easy to take care of newborn and a toddler.

spent whole afternoon and night (before 12am) trying to make nathan sleep yesterday. he sleeps very well when carrying him, and woke up crying when putting him down...having to start calming down process for x number of times is so tiring and frustrating sometimes. again, i can't bear to let him cry it out, just hope he will grow out of it one day. hehe...seek help from the forum mommies again, was adviced to swaddled him. i tried. seems to be working but not all the time, better than nothing :)

i love to have visitors at home, love to go out with jem's friends, love to go anywhere except home...just to keep my sanity. but do i get to talk to my friends even when they're around? no...i'm too busy with the boys.

been pretty emotional for the past few days...kept on thinking about losing weight...trying to make myself busy at home by walking, running around and carrying ian. feel bad about snacking but still eating coz hungry. crazy right? yeah...emotional day is like that, i see pretty moms, pretty preggy moms, envious that they looks so good and don't look haggard. i saw photos of my working days in fcbc...i miss my job and the working environment suddenly. envious of papa jem, though already father of 2, can go out freely, having tea and chat with close friends.

very tired...the thought of having sleepless nights once again makes me wonder when will this end...but thank God He sustained me...still can do blogging, not bad :D yeah...supposed to rest but this is my only time alone...i chose not to sleep and continue to complain not enough sleep and rest.

ah bo

both boys are sleeping (and waking up x number of times) now.

i believe God has His plan of making me to stay in bishan this week...He arranged jem to fly to bangkok last minute today, and of course, for safety sake, better stay with in laws rather than home alone at night. if not because of jem having to go oversea, i could have been in my own home now. anyway, what i'm trying to say is ah bo back from hospice for whole day.

i'm so happy to see her. i have not been able to see her since nathan's birth. she was transfered to hospice from SGH...and i was not allowed to visit her (family worry that i may kena some virus/bacteria and spread to nathan). i thanked God for sustaining her life. though she's a bit bald and has to be on the wheelchair, she looks good :D. please pray for her okie.

male population

based on the current statistic (my own statistic)...just talking about people i know, i noticed there's rising generation of boys :P. let me give you the facts and figures

mel & wen - 2 boys (gerald & marcus)
ronald & diana - 2 boys (christopher & daylan)
jem & cozai - 2 boys (ian & nathan)
fread & lynette - 1 boy (on the way - december 2007)
sean & lisa - 1 boy (jayden)
andrew leung & kelly - 1 boy (isaac)
jennifer & eik yang - 1 boy (don't know his name)
yih chong & clara - 1 boy & 1 girl (ryan & caryna)
mike foo & pearly - 1 girl (jordaan)
weiye & serene - 1 boy (baby isaac on the way - january 2008)
yun hin & anabel - 1 boy (jayden)
raymond & ting fei - 1 boy (jordan)
aylwin & celyn - 1 boy (baby zion on the way)
joy - 2 boys (caleb & baby jude on the way - january 2008)


enough to form soccer team yeah. how nice if everybody gather together with all our kids...it'll be very interesting.

tremor

it was wednesday night....we were at in law's place (bishan)

my mother in law suddenly said something very loud and in very panic mode...."you see the star moving???!!!! (i don't know what the thing called, it's ian's toy, hanging on the wall, there's stars, moon and comet...bought from ikea) there's no wind, but the stars are moving, you see you see!!!"

all of us gather together and stand still. we felt the tremor too. to me, it's the first time i'm experiencing it, i got scared. i got worried of my boys immediately. jem and father in law looked out at the windows, see what's happening.

then we heard people walking down the stairs...all the slippers sound...all walk down as fast as they can...at that moment, we get the entire family to stop all activities and get out of the house.

only families who stay higher level came down...those in lower level probably didn't feel the tremor at all, i'm not sure...

some families was having their dinner half way and came out. all were talking about tremors.."do you feel it? at first i thought i was giddy"

we only went back after 15-20 mins...and the news has already reporting the tremors from most parts of singapore...and it's from indonesia.

i'm an expert in thinking the negative side...kept on thinking 'what ifs', the tremors got so bad that the flats in singapore starts falling apart??!!! how to carry both boys and running down the stairs without hurting them.

looking at all the news recently, floods, wars, terrorism, earthquakes...i can't help thinking of the verses in the bible...and what God said about end times.

Matthew 24:6-8 (New King James Version)

6 And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. 7 For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of sorrows.

i told jem that we as parents have great responsibility to tell our boys about Jesus. i don't know when the end time comes, but looking at the news, it's near.

both boys are sleeping now...by 8:30pm. it's an unusual night...coz normally both of them will be sleeping by 9 plus or latest 10pm. nathan slept since 6pm and now (9.22pm) still sleeping...i got a bit worried though...what if he wakes up at 3 or 4am and refuse to go back to sleep???!!! arggghhhh! dear Lord, please don't let that happen.

it's my 2nd week home alone with the boys. i had my good and bad (and really bad) days, but still manageable, home still intact, just little messier :P.

those not so good days are 'what you want' day.

"what you want, nathan??? can you tell me what you waaaaant, you cry i won't know what you want...tell me what you want! apa kau mau??"

there are more good days than bad days okie. sometimes both boys sleeps at the same time and quite long. sometimes simply look into their little eyes, all the tiredness and 'what you want' days just melt away.

today is the easiest day. i think i spent equal amount of time with each of my boys, and nathan fuss very little today too :).

so what are the changes since nathan's arrival?
- no more afternoon nap for me
- more works for papa jem to clean up when he's back from work
- do laundry everyday instead of every 2-3 days
- look for junk food all the time, get hungry very easily
- watch ian's favourite bible story cartoons (moses and birth of Jesus) at least once a day

mentioned to you that ian copes pretty well right? now, there's bit of jealousy. he would pull me away or want me to carry him when i need to attend to nathan sometimes. sometimes expressing his displease lying on the floor, yelling and crying a bit. he would not let me carrying both of them together. it's either him alone or nathan. there are days when both cry together...one is very hungry, cry till like the lung almost come out, another wants affection and refuse to let me feed. when the duet turn the whole house into orchestra, i joined them too....not crying...i sing.

very loud. louder than their cry :P any gospel song, not twinkle twinkle little stars hoh!!! my whole head already had lots of flying stars, in panic mode. thank God that His song somehow ease my mind....can handle both of them after that...can't remember how...think i turned into clown mode...act a bit siao siao, just to turn the tense into happy go easy...i hope this still works in days to come :P. anyway, back to ian...though he jealous, he still a very good boy. i must praise him mannn...he's a very good kor kor, very gentle towards his brother. he holds nathan's hand when he's crying, he hugs and kiss nathan when he's lying on the bouncer, he passes me diaper and diaper rash cream when i'm changing for nathan.

ok...very tired now...going to rest.

that's nathan! 2.405kg at birth

nathan - 2 weeks old

nathan - 1 month old (4.26kg)

1st baby - ian
when ian cry or about to sleep
connie: (talking to in laws) "no patting! no rocking! don't shake!!!"
in laws: "it's ok lah, last time we pat jeremy and joyce to sleep, baby pat pat will sleep"
connie: "no! no need. i said don't pat!" (very rude yeah?? i was....and still is....trying to control my temper now)
in laws: (stop patting, rocking and shaking...etc)

connie: "xxx, don't hug too long, else he'll get used to it and want you to carry him all the time next time. just let him cry, he'll used to it"
in law: "oh, poor baby, can't let him cry too long, else have wind or injured his throat"
connie: "just leave him alone! put him down!"
in law: (left him alone and heartache. standing outside the room, walking and checking ian, all can't sit still because ian cried very long)

2nd baby - nathan
when nathan cry or about to sleep....
connie: (quickly go and carry without letting him cry more than 30 secs)
in law: "don't carry too much, else he would want you to carry all the time, let him cry for a while"
in law: (when in law start patting nathan to sleep)
connie: (pat lah pat lah, pat all you want, suka you)

can you see the difference here? a lot of no no at the beginning...things i used to say no become my in law's turn to say no...funny.

what i learnt is, when 2nd baby comes, things tend to go easy. unlike my 1st baby (ian), he's pretty poor thing last time, i really hardened my heart to let him cry (for 1st 3 months only). i won't let any of my family members to introduce ANY NEW HABIT to make him sleep...like patting, rocking, or using pacifier. in the end, he just nurse to sleep. after i weaned him from nursing to sleep in his 15-month. ian is sleeping without any of sleeping aids...which is good i think.

now with nathan....i allow patting...don't know why. maybe just want to get everyone involve since i think is human natural tendency to pat. but i still won't give pacifier though there're nights i'm very tempted to. i tried actually coz my mom in law believes very strongly when baby cries, pacifier is the solution :P but nathan hates it and ended up vomitted milk. won't try on him anymore. so during weekend, i let ah po or anyone pat nathan to sleep when he wakes up crying.

if things work out i want it to be (nathan doesn't need to nurse to sleep), i can go out. i want to start exercising, maybe swimming, pilates???, do manicure/pedicure, go for massage, go shopping (but must lose weight first :P).

jem said it's unlike me to start thinking of these activities. anyway, this is just my plans only, yet to execute. aiming! aiming!

you know what's important to me?

that is i have a hubby to support me in whatever decision i made. some decisions are wrong but he'll just flow with me. and at the end of the day, when i found out is wrong, he won't condemn but encourage me to move on. i thanked God for him. now that we have 2 boys, he might be worried i can't handle our boys alone, but he'll just let me be when i told him i want to try. he will not raise any concern but will massage me at the end of the day, coz he knows i'm tired :)

looking at ian, am glad his character is more like jem. better not like me mannnn, hard to handle and bad temper. am not being humble here ok, it's true! when i'm pregnant, i always pray that our baby will be more like daddy... be it looks and characters (i have my reason about the look, will not tell you my reason here...it's confidential :P) i knew i should pray be more like Jesus yeah, of course, but at least what i'm trying to say is don't be like me!!!

having said that, i also tell myself, if nathan is more like me. there's no way my love for him is any lesser! still love my boys deep deep lah!

my confinement lady left yesterday. the real test has just begun. my dad worried about me, called me 3 times just to find out how i'm coping today. my mother in law is hoping we'll stay with them, also concerned that i can't cope and of course, worried i'm too busy to take care of nathan and left ian alone. whereas my mom afraid that i'll look haggard and become 'huang nian po' because of taking care of 2 kids alone.

appreciate their concerns and i'm going to prove to them i can handle. with God, i believe He will give me the strength to make all things possible. all i need is to readjust my lifestyle, how to organise our home more efficiently and to come out with more indoor activity ideas for ian, to keep him occupied when i'm busy.

confinement is over....now is finding ways to lose weight in a healthy way. hahaha, i've been trying to find the easy way out to lose weight. some mothers claimed they lose more weight by taking care of kids alone and total breastfeed, not the case for me though...how come i didn't lose weight??! (eat so much, of course can't lose weight lah!!!) thinking of jamu massage, quite obsessed in thinking of those lose weight programs heavily advertised by all the slimming centres too. then gynae advised not to exercise too much or carry heavy items, my womb still not quite 'stable' inside, by carrying heavy stuff will lower it and pressing the bladder. my confinement lady told me that her friend's womb dropped out due to carry heavy stuff. scary siaaaaa!!! then all back to square one, my financial controller (hubby jem) said 'no need'. uhmm...will find other ways then...still searhing...maybe breeze walk?

going to bathe nathan now...